Centralize decision-making about where to get a backend's PGPROC.

This code was originally written as part of parallel query effort, but
it seems to have independent value, because if we make one decision
about where to get a PGPROC when we allocate and then put it back on a
different list at backend-exit time, bad things happen.  This isn't
just a theoretical risk; we fixed an actual problem of this type in
commit e280c630.