Refactor EXEC_BACKEND code so that postmaster child processes reattach

to shared memory as soon as possible, ie, right after read_backend_variables.
The effective difference from the original code is that this happens
before instead of after read_nondefault_variables(), which loads GUC
information and is apparently capable of expanding the backend's memory
allocation more than you'd think it should.  This should fix the
failure-to-attach-to-shared-memory reports we've been seeing on Windows.
Also clean up a few bits of unnecessarily grotty EXEC_BACKEND code.