Change NTUP_PER_BUCKET to 1 to improve hash join lookup speed.

Since this makes the bucket headers use ~10x as much memory, properly
account for that memory when we figure out whether everything fits
in work_mem.  This might result in some cases that previously used
only a single batch getting split into multiple batches, but it's
unclear as yet whether we need defenses against that case, and if so,
what the shape of those defenses should be.

It's worth noting that even in these edge cases, users should still be
no worse off than they would have been last week, because commit
45f6240a saved a big pile of memory
on exactly the same workloads.

Tomas Vondra, reviewed and somewhat revised by me.